Cloudfur and Ravenfeather~warriors of TreeClan

[Cloudfur]

Name:Cloudfur
Gender: She-cat
Age:18 moons
Position: Warrior
Clan: TreeClan
Origin:Clanborn

Pic.

Appearence: Thin white she-cat with crystal blue eyes. She has a slim tail and sleek fur. Her nose is a very light pink and her ears are very pointed.

Personality: Kind hearted. Witty and sharpmouthed when angry. She is strict with apprentices because she doen't understand them much. But she can be kind and open with them.

History: Mother and Father from TreeClan, Whitewhisker, Ashstar. Two sisters, Nighttail, Silverfang. Ravenflight is her mate. So far she has passed apprenticeship and has seen her parents die along with her mentor in a battle against Talonclaw. As a kit she used to look up to the clouds and daydream all day. That's how she got her name.

Roleplay: Cloudkit was playing with her sister Silverkit and accidently bumped into the leader. Cloudkit shivered and apoligized with her head down. Just before the leader turned Cloudkit pounced and pinned down Silverkit. The leader smiled obviously impressed.

Other: Mates with Ravenfeather.


Name: Ravenfeather
Gender: Tom
Age: 20 moons
Position: Warrior
Clan: TreeClan
Origin: Clan cat

Pic:

Appearence: Black tom with glinkting amber eyes. He protects Cloudfur at all costs. He has a small soft side that only Cloudfur can find in him.

Personality: He's very sharp and short-tempered. Ravenfeather has a soft side that rarely shows and a playful side that shows often. He's a joker at heart.

History: Mother and father from ThunderClan, one sibling, Softpurr.

Role play: Ravenpaw sneaked carefully along the bushes. Then he pounced on an unexpectiong mouse. He had made his first catch! Ravenpaw felt pride surge threw him. Then he pranced back to camp to show his mentor his catch.

Other: He is mates with Cloudfur.

[Holly]

1. There is no ThunderClan. XD
2. Need waaaay more personality.
3. Need waaaay more physical description.
4. History needs to tell what the cat has done so far in its life. You can tell its siblings also, but we have an option to tell if your cat has a mate too.
5. Complete sentences.
6. You don't really need the origin thing. You can tell the cat's origin in the history.

Okay? I'm just going to arrange some stuff. I'm not going to change what you have, but I'm going to just move some stuff around.

[[t]Wilted Ros[e]]

Also--use proper grammar. Names should be capatalize and "Jokefull" is not a word. You couold have "A joker", instead, but not "Jokefull".

And you used that black cat's picture for two different cats. Cats do not have twins--please find another picture to use for either Nighttail or Ravenfeather.

[{.dancer.}]

Pretty much the same things as Inky (Wilted Rose) and Holly said.
The phys. description needs to be at least three lines, as does the personality. The history needs to be at least four lines.
As Inky said, use full sentences and real words please.
And... if you could make your IC's longer than two lines, that would be nice.

[Cloudfur]

All done! Whew! Sorry I took so long. i haven't been able to get on much lately.

[{.dancer.}]

Sorry, but it doesn't look like you've changed much...

You still need
-More description on both ((Around 2 more lines for both))
-More personality ((Around 2 more lines for both))
-More history ((1 more line for Cloudfur; 4 more lines for Ravenfeather-- you can tell what adventures they've had in life, where they got their names, were they apprentices together, when did they fall in love with each other, etc.))
-Either Ravenfeather or Night-tail's picture must change- they're still the same.

If you could fix those, that would be awesome.